From the Founder, Brian Mazza 3/10
Your Child Isn’t A Competitor Because You’re Not One
Teaching our kids that they always have to share can actually hinder their competitiveness. If you have siblings, you know exactly what I mean. When Leo takes Luke’s toy, Luke turns into the Hulk, doing whatever it takes to get it back. But when Luke grabs Leo’s toy, I used to say, "Leo, he’s younger, you need to share." I’ve stopped that, and if you follow me on social media, you’ll see that my two boys often go head to head when it’s time to settle things, especially when we’re competing. I encourage them to “fight” for what they want and earn their ball back (no punching, of course).
Yes, teaching kids that "sharing is caring" is important, but I believe overemphasizing it has made some children less competitive.
I’ve seen this in youth sports time and time again. Player A loses the ball to Player B, yet Player A doesn’t show any urgency to get it back. It’s like watching concrete dry—nothing happens. But if Player A and Player B were siblings, that urgency would be instant and intense.
Youth sports have changed a lot. There’s this pressure to be part of the "best" program, tournament, or team. If you’re not, you’re made to feel like you’re failing your child. I earned a Division 1 scholarship to play soccer at a top 25 program, and I didn’t have half the opportunities my son has today. But times have changed, and so have youth sports. Today, people often say, “It’s too competitive; they’re too young.” But then I look at the parents and usually find my answer. What we really need to focus on is positive competition—not just winning, but teaching kids how to be fierce competitors. When kids learn to compete, they develop real-world skills that will serve them for life.
I honestly don’t care if my son’s team wins or loses, but I will never compromise on the three core attributes that define a true competitor:
1. Effort
2. Attitude
3. Coachability
Take a moment to grade your child on these three qualities, then take a moment to grade yourself. Are you excelling in these areas as a leader for your child? I’m always curious when I see parents of my players or other kids in sports. How can you expect your child to excel in these traits if you’re not setting the example? I once heard a parent complain about their child being out of shape and not tracking back, yet that same parent could stand to lose 30 lbs to get closer to baseline.
If you want your child to succeed, they need to master these traits every single day. No competitor of mine will ever be considered a loser—even if they don’t win.
