From the Founder, Brian Mazza 3/17
My Children Will Never Get Participation Trophies
Not everyone deserves a trophy, and that includes our children. We need to normalize telling our kids "You don’t deserve it"—not when they want another toy, but especially when they don’t win or feel upset about not achieving something they think they should.
There’s a place for soft parenting—the cuddles, the affection, and nurturing—and I’m all for it. But there’s also a time for tough truths, delivered in a way that resonates. Just because our children are young doesn’t mean we should shelter them from reality.
Take my son Leo, for example. He scores a lot of goals, but his juggling skills aren’t quite up to par, at least not when compared to his other high-level abilities on the field. He was frustrated the other day after making a few weak attempts to show me his progress. When I asked why he was upset, he snapped, “I can’t do it.” That’s when the real learning moment happens.
"I can't" is a mindset that has to disappear from his vocabulary and belief system. So, we had our first conversation about it. I told him, "You don’t deserve to juggle well." He looked at me with confusion, much like a dog tilting its head when you ask it a question. I explained, "You don’t deserve to juggle well because you don’t practice enough. If you want to master something, it takes consistent effort. It’s about showing up every day and putting in the work." Now he has a plan in place, reps to smash, and believe me by next month he will be great at juggling.
This same principle applies to participation trophies. Kids are incredibly perceptive. They know when someone else is faster, smarter, stronger, or better. The only upside to participation trophies is that they may briefly mask the shame of not standing out, but that’s not the real world. By perpetuating this mentality, we only delay our children’s understanding of self-accountability, leaving them unprepared for life’s challenges. In recent years, qualities like envy, motivation, and hunger have been watered down, but they are key to success. Our kids don’t deserve participation trophies, and they certainly don’t deserve to make every team they try out for.
It’s time to start having honest, real conversations with our children. Teach them how to lose with grace, how to manage jealousy and disappointment, and how to channel those emotions into working harder for the next opportunity. But that effort has to come from them. Only then will they truly deserve success.
