Uncomfortable Conversations in Challenging Environments Build Resilient Children

I often walk a fine line when it comes to pushing my sons, especially at a young age. I constantly check in with myself, reflecting on how they react—how they wake up, how they return home from practice or a game. I rarely offer feedback on their performance unless they bring it up and seek my perspective.

Recently, my son and his best friend were selected for a Real Madrid Youth Camp, where they played against various Spanish clubs. This program places children in a foreign environment, with limited parental involvement, from breakfast through dinner. I’ve noticed that my son carries a deeper sense of pride in representing the name on the back of his jersey when he’s outside of his comfort zone. After playing twice in England at Tottenham Spurs in 2024, I observed a shift in his mentality during the third game of this trip. Up until then, his team had conceded 14 goals in two games, with their lone goal coming from a free kick by his best friend, Alex, after Leo was fouled just outside the box.

Before the third game, Leo asked how he could stand out because he felt unnoticed by his coaches. He complained about not getting the ball and being out of position. Rather than discussing this in front of another family, I told him we’d talk later. When we returned to the hotel, we had a deeper conversation. I told him that his mindset was coming off as weak, like someone who gives up too easily. I explained that as an attacking player, he only needed to score once, and the confidence would follow, flooding his game like a shark that smells blood. Sure enough, he shifted into a different player, attacking with newfound intensity, scoring three goals, and earning Man of the Match honors. Later that night, as we went over his clothes for the next day, he confidently shared, “I love the feeling in my bones when I score.” That moment reminded me of what a true winner sounds like—the one who’s tasted success and now craves more.

Even though his team was outplayed by 13 goals in two games, Leo never once said he didn’t want to play or show up for practice. This is how I gauge whether my influence needs to be adjusted. As long as he continues to push me to challenge him, I will remain a driving force in his growth as a player. Understanding when to intensify or dial back that push has been key to helping him develop resilience.

Read your children’s body language, and that will provide you their language on where you need to push or lay off.

From the Founder, Brian Mazza 2/24